8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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