Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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