I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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