Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
