mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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