i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
