My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
