she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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