id be glad to
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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