like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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