just tell him i said nine months
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
