I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
