you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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