oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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