just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Randomize
