I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
So vagazzling was a success
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
