There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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