i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize