So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
