3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
