the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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