I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
