she woke up with a sticky ear
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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