If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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