elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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