So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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