If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
