I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
