Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Randomize
