I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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