I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
