I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
