We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
