I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
