dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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