I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
