just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I enjoy the company of your penis
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
