she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
