Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize