After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
