Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
