Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize