So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
