even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
