Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize