omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
