That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
