I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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