The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
