just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
