If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
