I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
