Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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