kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
