TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
