Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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