he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
