Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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