Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
