Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
