did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
