I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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