non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
whose parrot is this?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
