So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
