The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
