Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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